Truth Hurts
When will time stop and tick to the beat of my forever mendig heart. When will the sun shine and dry my flowing tears leading me to a river of thoughts that are constant reminders of what life used to be. To which I want it to be. To which I continue to try to live in hopes that this, this life was all but a epic nightmare of what could be. I’m still waiting for someone or something to disrupt this place I call life. I refuse to suucumb to the fact that this is life because this is nothing but an epic nightmare of everything I worked hard not to be. When did I give up on life and decide to live in this fantasy world I’ve created in my head. When will I face reality and stop living [in theory].
See I want to jump back into reality but my comfort lies in theory. I try to face the harsh realities of my so called life by pretending that nothing has changed. And instead of things looking up all my hurt, my angst, my fears, my disappointments surround my heart and soul creating a wall blocking any emotion that dares to come through. So now I’m left empty and hollow constantly replaying memories of the past, memories in which I want to go back to and live in forever. You tell me what sounds better. Living in theory or facing the harsh reality I call life. See people tell me that it gets better but I must ask when will this epic nightmare end. When will my silent screams be heard and end this sorry world I call life….
I keep telling myself that I don’t wanna live in theory, but what good is talking. When will my hypothetical thinking turn into a course of action. Right now I’m at a stand still as to where I want to go from here. Do I continue to run away and hide myself from the hurt? Or do I face my fears? I just want to be in a safe place where I’m free to fully express who I am. Where I can continue to branch out and find the very essence of what makes me “me”. I’m tired of conforming myself to meet the standards of others. I want this cycle of oppression to stop. It ends here. I can’t continue to sit back and wait for someone to save me from this epic nightmare. I have to take control……take back my life….I have to take control…..and end this epic nightmare……
And so now I’m back to square one. No action, but just thinking possibilities. Hypothetical outcomes to theoretical solutions. That then only I can hope will turn into action.
